Not permanently and not often, but in this little, isolated moment I truly cannot stand myself. It’s a rare thing for me, this self-hatred. In fact, I only ever experience it in relationship to my “pet sin” (you know, that one sin you cringe at when telling the priest because you confess it EVERY TIME and you just want to be done with that stupid sin already??) Yep. That one. That’s the only time I hate myself, when I fail AGAIN. When I’m too weak, and I know it’s because I haven’t trained hard enough to be strong in the face of temptation, or fast enough to flee it. I know I will finish this evening, go to bed, wake up in the morning, go to work and continue to live my life… but in this little minute, and in every moment that I think of it until I get to Reconciliation, I will be ill at ease with myself. I can’t help being very rumpled up in my mind, and it’s very uncomfortable. I will try to follow Francis de Sales and not let my own weakness trouble me too much. I don’t suppose there is much point in fretting. I do detest my sins, and I do intend to reconcile myself with God as soon as possible. But this despondency is so… ugh! Sorry, Tumblr… I just had to get that out.